


How to say 'no' to Alex Claremont Diaz (is a book Henry definitely could not write)

by TwinMoonSun842



Category: Red White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Biting, Closeted Henry, Explicit Consent, Henry and Alex are BBFs, Henry has anxiety, Hickeys, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Oblivious Alex, Panic Attacks, UST, a quite literal gay panic, and gosh they are so dumb, and they were ROOMMATES, discovery of biting kink (kind of), dumbassery, just bros being hos, neck kisses, oh my god they were roommates, the epic highs and lows of being in love with your best friend, they are teens
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-19 20:42:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20663489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwinMoonSun842/pseuds/TwinMoonSun842
Summary: What do you do when you are very gay and your best friend/roommate/secret crush Alex Claremont Diaz asks you to help him out by letting him put a few hickeys on your neck? What happens when you like that a little too much? How do you go back to denying that you're pining for him when know what his lips feel like on your skin?These are questions Henry would very much like the answer to.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I never post anything even though I write stuff sometimes so I thought I'd change that! THis is a very self indulgent little one-shot with hardly any plot, just a lot of pining and UST.

Alex slams their bedroom door open so hard the old windows shake.

‘Henry!’ he shouts, needlessly announcing his arrival. Henry places his bookmark between the pages and puts _The Prisoner of Askaban _next to him on the bed. He has learned through their years of friendship that whenever Alex gets this dramatic, it’s never actually anything to be alarmed about. Although he does require Henry’s full attention for a lengthy amount of time, to get through it.

‘Yes?’ he says.

‘Bunny gave Matilda a hickey,’ he announces gravely.

Henry stares at him.

‘So?’

‘“So?”’ Alex throws up his hands. ‘So! I have to give Nora a hickey, like–yesterday!’

‘Oh?’ Henry frowns. Alex’s rivalry/frenemy relationship with Bunny is hard to relate to for Henry. He finds Bunny a boring, arrogant, bloated jellyfish of a person, not worth giving the time of day to, but for some reason Alex insists on competing with him. It started with them both being on the rowing team and has since developed into a rivalry on an academic, social and romantic level.

Alex’s relationship with Nora is equally mysterious to him. He was quite sure they were just friends, and pretending to date so Alex would have ammunition against Bunny. But lately Alex talks about them like they’re actually together. The thought makes him feel like a hole has been punched through him, so he decided quickly not to think about it.

‘Just say you gave Nora a hickey too. What’s the problem?’

‘He’s got photographic proof.’ Alex flops dramatically onto Henry’s bed.

‘Ahh.’ Henry scrunches up his nose_. _‘And let me guess, you’ve run your mouth already?’

Alex turns to face him, ‘I told him I gave Nora three hickeys last weekend. I’m supposed to be getting my phone right now to ask her to take a picture of them. I won’t see her again until next weekend! What am I gonna do?’

‘You are an idiot,’ Henry sighs.

Alex groans, covering his face with a pillow.

Henry just grabbed _The Prisoner of Askaban _again when he feels Alex’s gaze on him. He meets his eyes, stills, the look on Alex’s face spells TROUBLE.

‘What.’ He says.

Alex’s lips form a charming smile. A little devilish. Henry’s heart trips. He hates how effective it is.

‘You know,’ he starts, finger tracing the folds of Henry’s blanket. ‘You have quite a slender neck.’

_No._ Henry thinks. He must have misheard. Alex raises his eyes to study Henry’s neck with an almost scientific attitude.

‘Really very delicate,’ He muses.

Henry is fighting a blush. And also panic. Alex has crawled towards him and is now lifting Henry’s jaw with a finger. ‘If i crop out enough I’m pretty sure I could make it look like Nora’s neck. You’re a bit paler but I’m sure he wont notice.’

‘But I don’t have any hickeys,’ Henry croaks. _This can’t be happening_.

Alex’s eyes snap to his.

‘Well that’s easy to fix.’ He says, completely serious.

Henry feels uncomfortably hot.

‘Please?’ Alex asks, face pleading. ‘I’ll owe you one! You’re the only one who can help me, Henry, please?’ His face is already so close. The idea of him coming even closer, of him putting his lips on Henry’s skin, makes something swoop inside his stomach. Henry swallows.

He has never been very good at saying no to Alex.

‘Lock the door,’ he says.

Alex scrambles off the bed towards the door.

‘Take your shirt off.’ He orders casually over his shoulder.

And if that doesn’t stir up all kinds of forbidden feelings in Henry… _Fuck_. Henry is so fucked. He takes a deep breath.

He unbuttons his shirt and throws it aside. Alex is back and in his space in a heartbeat. He surveys Henry’s neck again.

‘I’m thinking,’ he lifts his hand. ‘One here, one here, and one here.’ He presses his finger three times to different spots on Henry’s throat.

‘Just make them low enough that they don’t appear above my shirt-collar.’ His voice sounds strained. Alex notices too.

‘Are you sure you’re okay with this?’ He asks, eyes serious.

Henry nods. Alex holds his eyes for a second longer, checking. Only looking away when he’s satisfied Henry is telling the truth.

‘Okay,’ he breathes, but it’s mostly to himself. He takes another breath, then bites his lip. A pause.

‘Have you ever actually done this before?’ Henry asks.

‘No?’ A falsely confident smile. ‘How hard can it be?’

‘I don’t know.’ Henry says honestly.

Alex sits back. Shakes out his fingers.

‘Okay.’ He says more firmly. ‘Here I go.’

‘Okay.’ Henry echoes. He steels himself. He’s not sure if he should look. He closes his eyes but it feels even more vulnerable. He opens them again.

Alex places a hand carefully under Henry’s jaw, angling his neck towards him.

‘Here I go.’ He says again, softer.

First there’s a hot breath on his neck as Alex hovers. Then lips. Open mouthed. Alex’s other hand holds onto his shoulder. Then suction. And tongue. It’s more wet than Henry expected. Alex sucks carefully. Henry swallows hard, presses his lips together to stop any squirming noises from coming out. Alex pulls back a little. Hums.

‘Nothing,’

‘I think you have to do it longer.’ Henry curses himself for cooperating so willingly in his own demise.

Alex bends down again. Lips finding the same spot. He sucks harder. Henry feels his teeth. It sends sparks down his spine. Alex works his tongue against the spot and then bites him softly, pulling the skin between his teeth and then releasing it. Henry can’t stop the hitch in his breath.

‘Is that okay? Does it hurt?’ Alex’s lips are spit slicked and red as he pulls back into Henry’s vision. He looks a fantasy.

‘No, it’s fine,’

Alex gives him a flash of a smile and then ducks back down, firmly sucking on his skin again.

‘I think it’s working!’ He says after a while, breathes the words against his skin. Alex continues to suck and lick and bite at his neck. Henry buries his fists in the blanket, his heartbeat rushing in his ears.

When Alex pulls back again, his eyes are bright and happy.

‘There’s one! I did it!’

Henry just hums. Words having left him.

‘Are you sure it doesn’t hurt?’

Henry nods his head.

‘Okay, two more,’ Alex shifts, getting more comfortable. The hand around Henry’s jaw moves to the back of his neck, holding him close. It feels like a caress. Then his lips are back on his neck. Henry closes his eyes, tries to keep his breathing under control. But he is _really_ into that thing Alex does with his teeth. And his tongue. And Alex is relentless.

One of Henry’s hands moves from the blanket to Alex shoulder. Fisting the fabric of his shirt in the same way. Holding on.

Alex is really getting into it now. Henry’s skin is tingling. There’s noises. Sloppy, wet noises, lips popping, and it should be gross but Henry is just really into it. His breath is coming short and fast, he feels hot and shivery. It’s too much and not enough. He’s fighting to keep any moans from escaping his lips, from running his hands through Alex’s thick brown hair, from dragging him into his lap, from pulling those lips onto his own. It’s a lot.

And then suddenly it’s over. Alex pulls back.

‘That’s three!’ he says happily. His lips are swollen and his eyes are bright but he looks pretty collected otherwise. Suddenly his phone is there and his hand is angling Henry’s neck just so.

‘Keep still,’ His tongue peaks out from between his lips in concentration as he takes a few pictures. Henry fights to even out his breaths, to slow the thudding of his heart.

‘Perfect,’ Alex mutters, eyes on his phone. ‘Thank god for you, Henry,’ He says, smiling widely at him, squeezing his shoulder.

Henry tries to smile back.

‘Alright,’ Alex says. ‘I’ll go and see Bunny now,’ Smiling victoriously, he leaves the room.

Henry breathes a heavy sigh once the door has closed behind Alex. In that moment, he knows three things very clearly. 1. Alex is going to be the death of him. 2. He is in love with his best friend. 3. He is too gay for this shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I'd love to know what you think. Since i never share my writing it would mean a lot. 
> 
> Also I might continue this if people are interested?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nora is big on equality. Antics, oblivious dumbassery and trouble ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, thanks SO MUCH for all your gorgeous comments!!! This next chapter would not be here without you. My heart lifts with every notification. Seriously. THank you!
> 
> Please read the updated tags, there are some trigger warnings, primarily for panic attacks, so please stay safe! I will put a more detailed warning at the end notes.

That night at dinner, Henry is wearing a scarf.

It’s not as though the hickeys were really creeping out above his collar. He had fastened his top button and they were out of sight. But if he bent just so, or twisted around like that, you could see the shadow of the bruises from a certain angle. (He’d practiced in the mirror.) And what if, by of some very specific movement, his top button opened on its own? Or the top two buttons? What if they popped off completely and he couldn’t close them any more? Anyone could then see the incriminating evidence of Alex having sucked on his neck. And would probably also immediately be able to tell how much Henry enjoyed it. Just imagining it made him dizzy with stress.

So he put on a scarf.

Alex cannot stop looking at the scarf. And then pretending that he wasn’t.

It’s rather strange.

Luckily there’s enough chaos in the dining hall to drown any potential awkwardness between them.

Henry had polo practice after dinner so it’s dark and the dormitory is beginning to quiet down when he arrives back.

Alex is in his pyjamas, laying on his back on Henry’s bed, obviously waiting for him. He gets up onto his elbows at Henry’s arrival.

‘Hey,’

‘Hi,’

Henry takes off his shoes, jacket and scarf. Alex’s eyes immediately drop towards his neck. He knows they’re still covered, but it still feels like Alex is staring at his hickeys. Then he drags his eyes back up.

‘So I called with Nora,’

‘Oh?’

‘I told her about the whole,’ Alex gestures vaguely at his own neck. A beat.

‘And?’

‘Um… She laughed?’ Alex says uncertainly. ‘So much?’

Henry sits down next to Alex, a huff shaped somewhat like a laugh, leaving him as he lowers.

‘She kept going on about “intricate rituals” which I didn’t really understand.’ Alex scrunches up his nose. ‘She also talked about how hickeys are a way to mark your partner as “yours”.’ He clears his throat, eyes drifting to Henry’s neck again. ‘And how that’s a pretty questionable thing to want to do.’ He shifts. ’So in the end she was adamant, that I…’ He sighs. Starts again.

’Nora’s a feminist, you know?’

Henry nods. He does know this.

‘She’s big on _equality_,’ Alex looks at him intently. ‘So you know, she thinks, it’s currently very one-sided.’ He takes another deep breath. ‘In this hypothetical situation in which I gave her hickeys she would never have allowed that I was the only one “marking my territory”.’

‘Okay?’

Alex looks at him like he should know what he is getting at.

When Henry’s face remains blank, Alex groans and says: ‘I need a hickey too, okay?’

Henry feels like the rug has been pulled from under him.

‘What?—Why?’ He splutters.

‘I just told you! Because she’s a feminist!’ Alex sits up properly, facing Henry.‘Henry…’

‘No.’ _he can’t_. Alarm bells are ringing inside his head.

‘Just one more favour, please?’ He actually puts his palms together in a begging motion. ‘Equality is really important to Nora! I’m already lying and pretending about giving her hickeys, I can’t also compromise her feminism!’

A traitorous part of his brain supplies the image of Alex’s warm brown skin under his hands, his mouth. His throat goes dry.

‘Why me?’ He laments.

‘I can’t ask anyone else, Henry, come on,’

‘Can’t we just say that you’ve got hickeys too now?’

‘She wants proof.’ 

Henry sighs. His head is spinning.

‘It’s very important to her.’ Alex pushes.

Henry vaguely wonders what Nora is getting out of this.

‘Henry, please?’

They stare at each other. Alex’s eyes pleading. Henry’s self preservation crumbling.

‘Are you sure you want this?’ Henry asks.

Alex nods profusely. ‘For equality.’ he says solemnly. Henry suppresses a hysterical bubble of laughter.

‘Jesus christ,’ he swears, gets up towards the door, locks it. He turns back to Alex, who is taking off his pyjama top.

And god… Being on the rowing team really has done wonderful things to his shoulders, his chest, his abs. It’s not like he never sees Alex without a shirt, since they’re roommates, but he tries not to let himself stare.

‘Henry,’

He should still not let himself stare.

‘Okay?’ Alex asks.

‘Yeah,’ Henry shakes his head, walks over to the bed. Alex scoots back to make room for him.

‘Just make them quite low please, like I did with yours,’

Henry hums in confirmation. 

God, is he really doing this? 

Henry’s moving closer.

_He’s so beautiful._ He thinks, but tries to keep his face carefully blank.

‘Okay?’ Henry asks.

Alex nods.

He’s so close now. Alex angles his neck towards him. Henry can’t resist sliding his hand over the back of Alex’s neck, fingers threading through the hair at his nape. He bends down, finds the smell of his skin, then presses his lips down.

Alex is warm under his mouth. Skin soft. He wants to, but he’s not there to kiss. He opens his mouth, sucking gently. Alex’s hand holds onto his arm. And it’s so good. Alex’s smell, taste, warmth all around him. He never thought he’d have this. Never thought he’d be allowed even _close_ to this.

He starts to use his tongue and his teeth as well. His fingers caress back and forth through the hair at Alex’s nape. If this is all he’ll ever get, he’s going to make the most of it.

Henry nips at his skin with his teeth and Alex makes a choked noise. He pulls back.

‘Okay?’ he asks. Alex’s eyes look a little glazed. His mouth is hanging open.

‘No, fine, yup,’ his voice is unsteady, but Henry can’t look at him for too long if he wants to refrain from kissing him.

He bends back down and continues at the same spot, sucking more purposefully. Then he bites down gently, slowly dragging his teeth over Alex’s skin. Alex’s hand tightens. Henry wonders if Alex is holding back moans as well. The thought settles hotly in his lower stomach. He pulls off and looks at his work. There’s definitely a bruise there.

‘That’s one,’ he says, not daring to look at Alex’s face again.

‘Okay,’ Alex replies. He sounds out of breath.

Henry picks a new spot and sucks dutifully. He moves his other hand to Alex’s shoulder, while the first still holds the back of his neck—all under the guise of supporting himself in his current position.

It’s heavenly, being able to touch, having Alex’s warm body under his hands.

In an unguarded moment, Henry’s tongue slides leisurely over the abused skin, savouring. He turns it into a bite, but really there’s no good excuse for either. Alex’s breath hitches.

For a dizzying moment Henry thinks he’s gone too far. He feels Alex move. A hand lands on his back, but it’s not to pull him off. He fists his shirt, Alex is clinging to him, he realises with a rush.

The thought of Alex enjoying this, of Henry affecting him like this, it nearly sends a moan up through Henry’s throat. He bites down at a new spot. And there it is, but from Alex’s lips. A rush of breath, a low sound. Henry feels the vibrations in the column of Alex’s throat. Proof. It shivers hotly down his spine, followed by a wave of want. He twists his fingers into Alex’s hair, tugging gently to angle his throat even further towards him. Alex is putty in his hands. Another sound. He sucks and nips at the third spot.

_You are mine_, he thinks deliriously._ At least for this moment—mine to hold, mine to worship. _

Alex holds on tight to the back of his neck, holding Henry close, encouraging. Henry does his best to tease as many gasps and sounds out of him as he can manage. After every sound, the next one falls even easier from his lips.

His mind races to _more_. Making Alex shiver, moan, tremble with pleasure.

But really, he’s done. There are three hickeys, very thoroughly placed on his skin. His lips drift to Alex’s pulse point, where his heartbeat rushes quickly. More proof. He presses a final, chaste kiss to the spot, because Henry can’t help himself.

Then he pulls back.

Alex looks. Devastated. Debauched. His cheeks are flushed, his pupils blown, eyes shiny with want. He’s still panting, looking at Henry like he’s the only thing in the world. Henry can’t look away, even though what he’s seeing is ruining him. The air between them is crackling, heavy with electricity and humid breaths.

They stare at each other. Alex’s eyes flicking down to Henry’s lips. The gaze is like a physical weight, tangible. Henry’s lips tingle. He wants, oh he wants so much to lean in, to kiss Alex’s mouth with the same all consuming attention.

A sharp, ringing sound. Henry jolts backwards so violently that he falls off the bed.

Alex’s phone. Someone is calling him.

Henry’s heart is racing, adrenalin pumping through his veins. It’s just a phone.

Alex excavates it from the folds of Henry’s blanket and then stares at it like he doesn’t know what to do with it.

From his view from the floor Henry’s eyes are caught by the blush still dusting Alex’s cheeks, the inviting plump of his lips.

Alex taps the screen. 

‘Hey Nora,’ his accent thick and syrupy. It jolts Henry, both with want and the sharp stab of rejection. It was all for Nora. She’s the one Alex wants to please. She’s the one he’s “dating” or whatever they’re doing. Fuck, they’ll probably marry each other one day. Not Henry. Nothing like that for him. He feels lightheaded.

Henry rushes to the bathroom. Sits down hard on the cold tiles. _Alex must know now. _his brain is telling him. _That you liked that, that you’re in love with him, that you’re gay._

His fingertips are tingling, blood rushing in his ears. He recognises the sharp pattern of his breaths, the feeling that he can’t get any air inside his lungs. He knows this. _Get a grip _he tells himself. _Alex knows. He knows. He knows. _his brain is chanting. _He knows and he won’t want to be your friend any more. He will want a different room. He will avoid you, never speak to you again._

Henry digs his fingernails into his palms to ground himself.

_Five things you can see. _He tells himself, gulping for air.

One: the tiles on the wall across from him. His vision is blurring at the edges.

God he hasn’t had one this bad in a while. He feels faint. He needs to get his breathing under control if he doesn’t want to pass out. He leans forward, trying to get his head between his legs to help with the dizziness.

_Counting_. he remembers. _Breathing in for 1, 2— _his body hijacks his lungs. He tries again. _1, 2, 3 —_

He’s like that, folded over, fighting for breath on the bathroom floor, when Alex bursts through the door.

‘Henry! Oh god,’ Alex rushes to his side. ‘Oh god, you’re upset, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,’ Alex’s hands are on him, pulling him up, holding onto his shoulders. Through his blurred vision he spots Alex’s agonised face.

‘Breathe with me, okay?’ Alex puts one hand on Henry’s chest, and puts one of Henry’s hands over his heart. He counts, and breathes. Henry tries to follow. Patiently, Alex guides him back to a steady breathing rhythm.

It’s Alex’s warm presence, the worried friendship in his face and the unreservedness of his touch more than anything that calms him down.

They’re all right. They’re still friends.

Once Henry is breathing again, Alex starts to babble, wrapping his arms around Henry.

‘Henry, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have pushed you. I made you uncomfortable, I made you have a panic attack! God, I’m such a horrible friend, I’m sorry, Henry, I’m so sorry,’

Henry is tired. He feels shivery and cold in a way he recognises as coming down from a panic attack. When Henry has regained his ability to speak he will tell Alex it’s allright. But for now, Alex is holding him like he’s cared for, like he won’t leave him, and that’s all that matters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *** SPOILER ALERT ***  
Henry has a panic attack, with homophobic intrusive thoughts, that starts after "Henry rushes to the bathroom" and ends with "They're alright. They're still friends". Please be mindful of your own mental health when reading this or skip over this part!  
***
> 
> So this was a bit darker than the previous chapter. I might have to write a third chapter to make up for it... 
> 
> I'd love to hear what you guys thought of this!
> 
> Also Nora is an anarchic gremlin who thrives on creating chaos and confusion. Her ways are unfathomable even to the gods themselves.


End file.
